The Return of brunobaby

1. Don’t tell yourself you’re going there to save money. You’ve already spent $13.00 just to take the bus.
2. Don’t buy anything you’re not crazy about just to justify your having spent $13.00 on the bus.
3. Do buy something you’re crazy about even if it wasn’t what you went there looking for.

   Wrong: “This cobalt blue sweater looks great on me, but I didn’t come here looking for a cobalt blue sweater.”

   Right: “This cobalt blue sweater looks great on me. I’m buying it.”

   And last but not least:

4. Know the real prices of things before you go. Just because it says “Outlet” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re getting a bargain.

I was on a David Sedaris kick when I was unemployed. Yes, I’ll catch up with trends from this century sooner or later.

This week I got around to “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.” No fashion advice here, except for a story revolving around a fringed velveteen vest in 1969.

Lots of laugh-out-loud humor here and some poignancy that doesn’t clobber you over the head. Plus, he confirms something I’ve always suspected: “The real voice of reason sounds like Bea Arthur.”

I’ve imported all of my old brunobaby posts into this blog, so now it’s one big happy blog post family under one roof.

I haven’t updated this in a while because:

1. Nothing worth remarking on has been going on, and

2. There are more people reading my status updates on Facebook in like, an hour, than have commented on my blog in five years.

That being said, even if nothing I’m doing is remarkably earth-shattering, it’s still important to me, and I’d still rather write about it than not.

Because they’re much more better.

The tree in the backyard has two branches down and a third very large one waving precariously. It’s wet snow, which is heavier than dry snow, which has created an epidemic of killer trees. One branch killed a guy in Central Park yesterday. They’re out to get us.

The mayor was on TV earlier, giving an update on what was closed and what the city was doing to tunnel out. Then he gave the same update in Spanish, which always makes me laugh because his Spanish is as bad as mine.

All the newscasters have made a point of repeating, “If you don’t absolutely have to go out, please stay home.” But as an unempludent who’s between classes, with no nibbles of freelance work in weeks and a lot of time on my hands, I’ve been home too much for my liking. Last night I even went out in the middle of the storm to a Meet-Up of other un- and under-employed people, where I learned about a bunch of other Meet-Ups for un- and under-employed people.

So I may tunnel out of here myself before the day is out. But I’ll stay away from trees.

I was waiting for the bus today outside the Beth Israel Medical Group on 7th Avenue and 23rd Street. With the future of St. Vincent’s ER in jeopardy, I thought it would be a good idea to have a back-up plan in order, so I went in to talk to the receptionist.

First off, they take United HC, and they charge the co-pay for a doctor’s visit, not an emergency room visit.

“What about if you break a leg?”

“If you need ex-rays, we send you to our other center or to the hospital.”

So long story short:

When I accidentally cut my fingertip off drying the blade on my food processor: Yes, they could have seen me.

When I impinged my jaw and tried to treat it myself by massaging capsaicin cream into my face, causing it to swell like a balloon hours before going on a Caribbean vacation: Yes, they could have seen me.

When I passed a kidney stone in the middle of the night last April: Nope, needed an ex-ray to rule out anything more serious.

All-in-all, not only would the medical group have been an acceptable substitute, but would have saved me about a hundred and sixty dollars. Except when you go to the ER doubled over from a kidney stone, they give you some pretty powerful pain killers that make the explanations of barroom brawlers that much more interesting, so you can consider the extra eighty bucks to be an entertainment charge.

I was watching a marathon of “Good Times” on TV One and thought, “whatever happened to Bern Nadette Stanis, who played Thelma?” I thought this with trepidation, since some child stars of that era aren’t having such good times lately.

A lot of people must have asked “What ever happened to Thelma from ‘Good Times’?” because her site is called “Thelma of Good Times.” Stanis is writing self-help books for young women in bad relationships, so they can be assertive and have high self-esteem like…Thelma from “Good Times.”

TV One is celebrating Black History Month with the kind of history most Americans can relate to: Classic Black TV, Movies and Sitcoms from the ’70s through the ’90s. During the shows there are panel discussions with some of the people who made it happen, so  you can find out what happened to them, too.

Why does my cat Ashley, whose hair has more colors than Tom Synder’s in 1979, only shed the black hair, and only all over light-colored things?

Ashley

Tom

I’m reading an advance copy of “Me, the Mob, and the Music: One Helluva Ride With Tommy James & The Shondells.” Bet you didn’t know Tommy was a gun-totin’ gangsta. Neither did I. But there are a few things I’d always suspected.

Here’s the opening of “I Think We’re Alone Now”:

I Think We’re Alone Now open

And here’s “Mirage”:

Mirage open

Don’t the chords from “Mirage” sounded like the chords from “I Think We’re Alone Now” played backwards? There’s a reason for this…they are. James and songwriters Ritchie Cordell and Bo Gentry accidentally put the reel-to-reel of “I Think We’re Alone Now” into the tape machine upside-down, liked the way it sounded and wrote a song around it.

Other things I’d always suspected that turn out to be true:

1. James and Ritchie Cordell needed a girl’s name to fit into a song they’d already written, and they saw the neon sign on the Mutual of New York building flashing “MONY MONY.”

2. They were on amphetamines at the time.

So enjoy the adventures of Tommy, the Shondells, Mo Levy, Vinnie the Chin and a host of others when “Me, the Mob and the Music” is released on February 16. Or you can have my copy because I’m almost through with it.